Over the years, I've watched people come and go from my life. More often than not, it's been a matter of circumstances in each of our lives changing that's been the cause. However, there have been a couple that have left because of "misunderstandings" that never got cleared up and has left a rather large "void" and a lot of questions that were never answered.
One in particular has left me wondering greatly as to why this happened and in spite of my MANY attempts at contacting them and trying to find out what caused it so that it could be rectified in some way if it was my fault, this person has refused to even give it a chance. As a matter of fact, this person has refused to even respond and has totally ignored my attempts at all levels. The second to last communication I had with this person was one of our usual friendly nature. The very last communication was an email in which this person misunderstood something I wrote, and threw a temper tantrum over it. I quickly realized where the misunderstanding was on their part and responded both by email and by phone to explain that they had misunderstood and corrected them on where they had misunderstood, giving them the correct facts. And, I tried again several other times to no avail.
The most logical answer (and, one that I would likely give to someone else) would be to completely write this person off of my mind and let the entire situation go as an "oh well, what can I do if they are that stubborn? I've done more than my fair share of trying." Even more logical would be the stance that anyone who is that closed minded and that petty that they cannot even give the friendship a chance, clearly doesn't value that friendship and never did!
However, I can't for some really illogical reason let it go. I'm the type of person that hates to let any friendship go, no matter what, let alone a long standing one. Even more to the point, I'm the type of person that if I've done something wrong, or hurtful, I want to try to rectify it in some way. I have never been one to leave things on a bad note if there is anyway whatsoever to make amends.
The problem in this situation is, I have absolutely no real clue as to what it is that has caused this much of a reaction to a true misunderstanding and in spite of my many attempts to find out what it is and my many attempts at trying to get this person to see that they truly had misunderstood, they have still continually ignored me in all ways.
That, in and of itself should be enough to make me want to completely give up. But, no. It's bothering me as to why this person has so coldly and so suddenly just completely shut off all possibilities of both communication and of friendship. While I can certainly live very well without this friendship in my life, it bothers me to no end that they could be so cold and so self-serving that they cannot see past themselves long enough to even explain why they are acting the way that they so that they can give someone else a chance to clear up the alleged "hurt".
I guess I could draw only 2 conclusions or assumptions from this. After my many repeated attempts at trying to find out what exactly it was that I have allegedly done to upset this person so badly, and my attempts at thoroughly explaining where they have misunderstood only to have no response from them whatsoever, they either, 1) do not care to continue any friendship at all and perhaps, never did, or, 2) are not the type of person who has the ability to think past themselves. If either are the case, I have to wonder why I would even want this person's friendship in the first place as they are certainly proving themselves to be the type of person who is incapable of any type of "giving" or "forgiving", whatever the case may be. They have more than proved that they are not worth another moment of my time in thinking of them and certainly not the type of person that I thought they were nor, someone I would really want as a friend anyways.
As Spiritual as I'd like to be, I am only human. As time goes by now, I am no longer upset as much as I am angry now. To me, ignoring someone who is earnestly trying to find out what may be the cause of an upset in a friendship or, any type of a relationship, at least deserves to hear the truth no matter what that may be. To totally ignore that person, is either a cowardly way to deal with things, or a very hurtful and spiteful way and it says a tremendous amount about that person and who they are as a person.
If someone is earnestly and sincerely trying to rectify something with us, no matter what the situation, simply ignoring them and shuting them out of our lives is not the way to deal with things. It reflects very badly on us. It's a boomerang effect. It comes right back at you in one way or another.
If someone has allegedly "wronged us" in some way, or we feel that they have, we owe it to ourselves first and foremost to at the least, give that person a chance to rectify the situation if they are being earnest in trying to do so no matter how angry, hurt or upset we are at them at the time. Everyone makes mistakes, including ourselves and it could be that we have "jumped the gun" in making assumptions through emotional reactions/knee jerk reactions that may have been erroneous on our parts. We owe it to ourselves to at the least, find that out.
If on the other hand, we have given that person a chance to rectify the situation and we find that we no longer want them as part of our lives, then we owe it to ourselves to at the least, be up front with that person and tell them so and why. It is cowardly to simply walk away from them and it leaves us looking badly both to the other person and perhaps, to even more people in the longrun. We are in effect, causing even more harm to ourselves by this type of solution.
So, if nothing else ever happens in regards to this friend, then I have learned a great lesson in my own life.
I will never walk away from any friendship or relationship without doing two simple things for my own sake. First, is allowing the person a chance to explain and giving them the chance to even point out where I might be wrong no matter how much I believe I'm right. Secondly, should I still decide that I don't like what I'm hearing and want no part of that person in my life again, I will at the least, be good to myself by explaining to that person in all honesty why and telling them myself.
That plays well on both me and the other person. Afterall, how many hurts do we want to have and, who are we really hurting by acting otherwise?